Cultivating Healthy Relationships and Radical Well Being
· Insights Into Practices
· My Favorite Quote this week, by Rachel Naomi Remen
· What I’m watching
· Half Day Retreat
· Weekend Retreat
This phrase, “Do not see with ordinary eyes and do not think with ordinary mind” comes from a 13th century essay called Instructions To The Head Cook, by Zen teacher Dogen. We often think that “mindful leadership” is a 21st century idea, when actually it was beautifully articulated 800 years ago. This essay is detailed instructions for moving beyond self-centered, small-minded leadership to more selfless, caring, big-minded leadership.
Dogen’s teaching is aimed at what I would call our “structure of interpretation.” There are events and there is how we interpret these events. Someone asking me “How is your book coming along? could be seen as a criticism, support, or neutral, depending on my relationship with this person, but most of all my state of mind and my interpretation of the question.
Though the world may be experienced as ordinary, Dogen highlights several limiting, narrow ways of seeing and thinking when we experience the world as only ordinary:
– taking things for granted, being dismissive, and not appreciating everything
– being critical and judgmental while undervaluing your influence and power
– avoiding what is difficult and painful, and not valuing the joys and celebrations of this human life
(Tassajara, Zen Mountain Center Kitchen)
When I enter the Tassajara kitchen, or any kitchen, I can see ordinary counters, pots and pans, and knives, onions and carrots, ordinary people preparing ordinary food. Or I can see a place of practice, of the aspiration to not only produce wholesome, tasty, healthy meals, but to serve, to respect, and to love – the people in the kitchen and those who are about to be fed and nourished. The same is true in any workplace – is it a place that is stuck in old, unhealthy patterns or is it a place of learning, growth, and appreciation?
Shunryu Suzuki in a talk called Express Yourself Fully, from the book Not Always So says:
“Our way is not to criticize others but know and appreciate them. Sometimes you may feel you know someone too well, and you have difficulty appreciating them because of your small mind. If you continue practice together, and your mind is big enough to expose yourself and to accept others, naturally you will become good friends. To know your friend is to know something beyond yourself, beyond even your friend.”
Here are a few other practices from Instructions To The Head Cook:
· Be thorough. Slow down. Pay attention to details.
· Encourage yourself with complete sincerity.
· Those who had shortcomings yesterday can act correctly today.
· Don’t make assumptions about what is sacred and what is ordinary. What if everything were both ordinary and sacred?
· Let go of comparing, judgmental, overly-critical mind.
We are all the head cooks in this kitchen that we call our work, our relationships, our lives. Let’s practice working together with whatever ingredients we have, with wholehearted sincerity, with joy, and appreciation.
Do Not See With Ordinary Eyes. Do Not Think With Ordinary Mind.
My Favorite Quote This Week
(Rachel Naomi Remen)
“We carry with us every story we have every heard and every story we have ever lived, filed away at some deep place in our memory. We carry most of those stories unread, as it were, until we have grown the capacity or the readiness to read them. When that happens they may come back to us filled with a previously unsuspected meaning. It is almost as if we have been collecting pieces of a greater wisdom, sometimes over many years without knowing.”
– Rachel Naomi Remen, Kitchen Table Wisdom
What I’m Watching
Turtles All The Way Down. I loved this film about a teenage girl struggling with OCD and depression. And, it’s so much more than that. It’s simple, deep, and creative.
Half Day Sitting, In-Person and Online
Sunday, May 26th, 9:00 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. in Mill Valley.
I really like half day retreats, where there is time for some extended meditation periods, some walking, and time to process with a small community. Then, time to enjoy a Sunday afternoon.
Weekend Retreat at Green Gulch Farm
November 1 – 3
Come spend the weekend at Green Gulch Farm, located on the coast, just north of San Francisco. Wake up hearing the sound of the ocean, enjoy the simple but amazing vegetarian food, and explore the garden, farm, and coastal trails.
In our world of busyness, of more, faster, better, this retreat offers time to stop, reflect, and renew – a time to step fully into the richness of your life. Together we’ll follow a gentle schedule of sitting and walking meditation, interspersed with talks and discussions from the wisdom of Zen teaching as we explore how these stories and dialogues may be utilized in our relationships, our work, and our lives.
This retreat is open to all people interested in stopping, exploring, and bringing more awareness and mindfulness to daily life.