“I did not ask for success. I asked for wonder.”
– Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907 – 1972)
- Hate, Love, and The Practice Of Wonderment
- A Favorite Quote, The World Is Its Own Magic
- What I’m Reading
- Half Day Meditation Retreat (Sunday, March 30th)
- Tassajara Workshop, A Zen Inspired Retreat (August 26 – 31)
I once took a writing and improv class in order to help get unstuck with my writing. It was during a time when I felt blocked, in the midst of having signed a contract to produce a book. The need to create “book worthy writing” can be stultifying. I appreciated this class where I could write freely, without concern about judging the quality of my writing.
However, I was somewhere between nervous and terrified at the improv portion of the class. Sensing my caution, and my attempt to hide in the back of the classroom, one afternoon the teacher called me to come to the small stage at the front of the room. She looked at me and wondered how to begin an improv experience.
She suggested that I say the words “I hate.” I was surprised and curious about her choice, and went with it. Then, she asked me to repeat this phrase, again and again, with feeling. I could feel myself both opening and tightening, with some anger building. Then she added to the words, the direction to stomp my feet, along with the phrase “I hate.” After several rounds of this, she stepped back and said “go!”
From somewhere deep inside me I blurted out “I hated high school graduation where they lined us up according to height.” I went on for a while about various events in my life that I associated as being awful, unfair, or connected to emotional pain. Then, little by little, without thinking or conscious effort, I began expressing things that I was fond of and then the many people and events that I loved came into focus. “I loved going golfing with my father when I was 13,…I loved being the bread baker at Tassajara…”
It was powerful to experience how feeling and expressing pain transformed into feelings and expressions of love.
There is no shortage of things to hate these days; no shortage of uncertainty, and of pain. I find myself often noticing or saying “This being human is a tough gig.” Without avoiding or suppressing pain, difficulty, and the things we hate, it’s important to remember how much goodness, creativity, and love there is — at the same time.
I’ve been studying a Zen text called the Harmony of Difference and Equality. It contains a series of phrases about the practice of integrating the dark and the light of our human experience:
“In the light there is darkness.
but don’t take it as darkness;
In the dark there is light,
but don’t see it as light.
Light and dark oppose one another
like front and back foot in walking.”
Practice
I’ve also been thinking a lot about wonderment as a practice. There are events and how we interpret these events. An important practice is to be curious about how we experience ourselves, others, and the world — with a bit more wonder – approaching what we hate and what we love, with a sense of wonderment.
A book I read many years ago is I Asked For Wonder – A Spiritual Anthology by Abraham Joshua Heschel. A quote that has stayed with me is: “I did not ask for success. I asked for wonder.”
(Cataract Trail, Mount Tamalpais)
A Favorite Quote
“You are living in this world as one individual, but before you take the form of a human being, you are already there, always there. We are always here. Do you understand?
…We ourselves cannot put any magic spells on this world. The world is its own magic.
…So try not to see something in particular; try not to achieve anything special. You already have everything in your own pure quality. If you understand this ultimate fact, there is no fear. There may be some difficulty, of course, but there is no fear.”
– Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind
What I’m Reading
Steppenwolf, by Hermann Hesse – An oldie but great book.A journey into the realms of self-discovery, non-duality, and the transformative power of art and spirituality, provoking radical transformation.
Question 7, by Richard Flanagan – Part memoir, part novel and historical fiction. Beautifully written exploration of memory, moral ambiguity, and power dynamics.
Half-Day Meditation Retreat, Sunday, March 30th
In person in Mill Valley and online
Tassajara, Step Into Your Life Workshop, August 26 – 31
Come join me at Tassajara, Zen Mountain Center for a 5-day retreat. Together we’ll follow a gentle schedule of sitting and walking meditation, interspersed with talks and discussions from the wisdom of Zen teaching as we explore how these stories and dialogues may be utilized in our relationships, our work, and our lives.
Warmest regards,
Marc