The Power and Practice of Letting Go of Expectations
Insights Into Practices
· A Guided Meditation
· What I’m Reading
· Weekend Retreat
(Recording of this Newsletter, under 5 minutes)
Several years ago I co-led a mindful leadership program for Google’s doctors and health care providers. My co-teacher was a Google employee who was a doctor and a neuroscientist. After introducing the topics of mindfulness and emotional intelligence, my co-teacher described meditation as “much like going to the gym.” Each time you bring your attention back to your breath, you are improving your ability to focus, like strengthening a muscle as you repeat this process again and again.
I thanked my co-teacher and said that while I somewhat agreed with this metaphor, it is also true that “meditation is nothing like going to the gym.”
My co-teacher was a bit surprised. He smiled, looked at me, and said enthusiastically to the participants, “Well, that’s why we have two teachers!”
Fortunately, we had a really good, trusting relationship. We had been working together for the previous year and he (mostly) appreciated my contradiction.
I clarified that going to the gym implies that you are meditating to get a result and that you expect a step-by-step improvement.
Having a reason or a goal can be useful, and encouraging, when it comes to having the motivation to meditate. And, more stability and being less tossed around by thoughts may be one of the benefits of a regular meditation practice.
But, this “going to the gym” metaphor can be a hindrance or limit to the real power and benefits of meditation practice — the practice of knowing yourself and going beyond yourself, shifting your relationship with fears, stress, and anxiety, and living and working with more appreciation, richness, and depth.
Another approach to meditation is to completely let go of any ideas or hopes of improving or getting anything. Instead, as you meditate, see what it is like to just be quiet, still, breathing, and alive. Explore appreciating your experience, seeing yourself and accepting yourself as you are, without any idea of improvement, expectations, or gain. Boredom, grieving, regrets, joys, possibilities: All interesting and informative.
This practice, of letting go of improvement and expectations can be strangely empowering and effective in opening our ability to listen, understand, and shift our relationship with the narratives and problems that we engage with daily.
Here is what Shunryu Suzuki says about meditation practice:
“When we become truly ourselves, we are purely independent of, and at the same time, dependent upon everything.
Each one of us is in the midst of myriads of worlds.
We are in the center of the world always, moment after moment. If you have this kind of experience, you will not be bothered by anything.
This kind of activity is the fundamental activity.”
Practice: Try a daily meditation practice. If you only have 3 minutes try that. 20 – 30 minutes, great. I generally prefer sitting quietly. Some people find guided meditation useful. Find a quiet place to sit. Notice your breath, body, feelings, and thoughts. Explore what it feels like to not need anything, to not expect anything. Let go of ideas of doing it right. Bring curiosity to accepting yourself. Explore loving yourself.
Here is a 5-minute guided meditation.
What I’m Reading
Heroic Leadership, by Chris Lowney – Leadership principles and practices from the Jesuits, who have been cultivating these skills for the last 450 years.
The Black Swan, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb – These days so much seems highly improbable, from Obama to Trump, Artificial Intelligence, The Pandemic, etc., etc. This is an interesting, and not always easy read about how to think about these improbable events.
Weekend Retreat at Green Gulch Farm
November 1 – 3
Come spend the weekend at Green Gulch Farm, located on the coast, just north of San Francisco. Wake up hearing the sound of the ocean, enjoy the simple but amazing vegetarian food, and explore the garden, farm, and coastal trails.
In our world of busyness, of more, faster, better, this retreat offers time to stop, reflect, and renew – a time to step fully into the richness of your life. Together we’ll follow a gentle schedule of sitting and walking meditation, interspersed with talks and discussions from the wisdom of Zen teaching as we explore how these stories and dialogues may be utilized in our relationships, our work, and our lives.
This retreat is open to all people interested in stopping, exploring, and bringing more awareness and mindfulness to daily life.