Why is it that we seem to remember events that surprise us more than others?
I’m surprised by nearly everything in my life right now. These surprises include that I’m a grandfather, that I have two grown children, that I’m a Zen teacher, and that I love teaching as well as speaking to large groups. Growing up as a somewhat sheltered and not very aware child in suburban New Jersey, I never would have predicted that my life would unfold this way.
It really is the surprising things in life that prove to be the most memorable. Take prose, poetry, humor or language that involves some form of a surprise. The unexpectedness delights us and makes these works unforgettable, like this Groucho Marx joke:
“Outside of dog, a book is man’s best friend.
Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Or these lines from a poem by Tony Hoagland:
“Do you remember
that time and light
are kinds of love.
And love is no less practical
than a safe spare tire
Or a coffee grinder.”
Or these haiku by Kabayashi Issa (Hass translations)
Don’t worry, spiders,
I keep house
casually.
The snow is melting
and the village is flooded
with children.
Goes out,
comes back—
the love life of a cat.
The Zen tradition emphasizes learning, changing, and growing through surprise. This is true of many Zen stories, including the foundational story of Zen. It’s based in the 6th Century, and features Bodhidharma, who’s credited as being the first Zen ancestor to visit the Emperor of China. In the story, the Emperor asks Bodhidharma:
“What is the highest meaning of the holy truths?”
Bodhidharma responds, “Empty. Without holiness.”
This was not what the Emperor was expecting to hear.
So, the Emperor then asks, “Who are you, or who is this person in front of me?”
Bodhidharma responds, “I don’t know.”
Again, a most unlikely response, and one which has now been handed down the generations for 1,500 years. Unorthodox answers like these, and going against the grain of convention sets the tone for Zen.
Shunryu Suzuki knew the power of surprise when he said: “The Secret of Zen is just two words: Not Always So.” Apparently, in his native language, he was thinking of two words. But it was perfect – and surprising – that this “secret” was actually three words long, and that its meaning was mirrored in those words.
The take away from this is that whatever we think is so, is not always so. The world is not what we think. And when we let go of our usual expectations, everything in our lives is fresh and surprising.
Why not take a moment now to think about what has surprised you today? Has anything unexpected happened? There’s an exercise you can do. Simply write down or type out this prompt:
What surprises me about my life right now is…
Then give yourself twelve minutes to write down an answer to the prompt. See what happens. It’s a good use of a short amount of time. It will give you the chance to see yourself and the world through the lens of surprise, something which can be uplifting, informative – and surprising!
Here is a poem by Robert Bly about seeing the world through the lens of surprise.
Things to Think
Think in ways you’ve never thought before
If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message
Larger than anything you’ve ever heard,
Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats.
Think that someone may bring a bear to your door,
Maybe wounded and deranged: or think that a moose
Has risen out of the lake, and he’s carrying on his antlers
A child of your own whom you’ve never seen.
When someone knocks on the door, think that he’s about
To give you something large: tell you you’re forgiven,
Or that it’s not necessary to work all the time, or that it’s
Been decided that if you lie down no one will die.