A Surprising Way To Cultivate Positive Change During Challenging Times
“You are living in this world as on individual, but before you take the form as a human being, you are already there, always there. We are always here.
Do you understand?
– Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginners Mind (from a talk called Right Effort)
- We Have No Idea How Much We Influence Each Other
- What I’m Reading
- A Poem, by Rumi
- Half Day Meditation Retreat (Sunday, 2/2)
There is a study in a recent Harvard Business Review that compares two methods of problem solving. One is with a person plus an Artificial Intelligence partner. The second is two people working together to solve the same problems. These methods are tested extensively and though the AI partner brings a ton more knowledge, two people are consistently more effective at solving problems. Interesting.
We have little idea how profoundly we influence each other, in healthy and in less than healthy ways.
I’ve been reflecting on a time when my mother was dying. She chose to spend the last few days of her life in my home, on my living room couch. My son was 12 and my daughter was 7 years old. They were both very connect to and enjoyed taking care of their grandmother. During this time we received a call from our daughter’s 3rd grade teacher telling us that our daughter was limping.
We explained that this might be connected to her grandmother being in the process of dying. A few days later the teacher called to say that most of the children in the class were now limping. (And, I too was limping.) The limping all stopped as soon as my mother died.
We are connected to each other and influence one another in ways that are difficult to understand or explain. This event with my mother appears to me as a kind of empathic contagion.
I use this as an example of the power of connection and at the same time, we also positively influence each other in important and significant ways. I see and experience this influence in the work I do with business executives and in mindfulness trainings, and as a Zen teacher. This positive influence is inherent in therapy and coaching. I also experience it in people meditating together as well as in groups where people come together with the spirit of caring and with open hearts.
What I’ve noticed is when we create a safe, supportive, and caring environment we lift each other up emotionally and spiritually. We are changed by others and we change others. Whenever I’m teaching or leading mindfulness sessions or retreats I feel pulled, called or inspired to show up as my best, most authentic, caring self. And I notice and am told that others also feel this. When we care about others and show up for them, we create more freedom, there is less scanning for threats, and more being open to possibility.
There are many studies demonstrating the fact that our emotions are contagious. In one such study one person (an actor) acting with negative energy, grumpy and blaming, influences the group’s negative energy, and lack of effectiveness. In this same study, one person acting with positive energy, upbeat and curious, influences the group’s more positive energy, as well as more effective problem solving.
What does this have to do with radical change during difficult times? Everything! This most uncertain, challenging time feels like an important window to connect, to be together, and to open our hearts and minds. It is a way of supporting our common belief in the goodness of humanity, the goodness of each other. Even when, or especially when we see so much greed, hatred, and delusion around us.
Practice:
Bring more awareness to how you are influenced by others and how you influence others – in speaking, listening, and in silence.
Spend more time with people who want the best from you, who care about you, and believe in you. (And be such a person for others.)
(Bancroft Ponds, Missoula, Montana)
What I’m Reading
A Beginner’s Guide To Japan, by Pico Iyer – An insightful exploration of Japan’s paradoxes, traditions, and modern quirks. Blending personal anecdotes with cultural observations, a unique perspective on Japanese etiquette, aesthetics, and daily life.
Meditations For Mortals: Four Weeks To Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time For What Counts, by Oliver Burkeman – Simple practices for working with stress and getting things done with greater ease.
A Poem, by Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks)
Be empty of worrying.
Think of who created thought!
Why do you stay in prison
when the door is so wide open?
Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking.
Live in silence.
Flow down and down in always
widening rings of being.
There’s a strange frenzy in my head,
of birds flying,
Each particle circulating on its own.
Is the one I love everywhere?
Half Day Meditation, Sunday February 2nd
From 9:00 a.m. – 12:30, sitting, walking, a short talk, and discussion.
In person, Mill Valley and Online. Register here.
Warmest regards,
Marc