· Insights Into Practices
· A Poem: I’m Nobody, by Emily Dickinson
· What I’m Reading
· Weekend Retreat
Insights Into Practices
Have you noticed that it can be challenging to have healthy, trusting, supportive, sustainable relationships at work and outside of work?
As to why, I think of the opening of the book The Politics of Experience by psychiatrist R.D. Laing:
“I cannot experience your experience.
You cannot experience my experience.
Therefore we are invisible to each other.”
I’m not quite as pessimistic as R.D. Laing, but the message is important: We can’t know another person’s experience. It’s easy to think or believe we know other’s feelings and intentions. This can lead to assumptions, misunderstandings, lack of alignment, and a lack of trust. I see this regularly in my work with leaders and organizations.
One practice that I’ve found as simple and effective (and that I aspire to do more often) is: “You Go First.” That is, whatever you are wanting or needing from someone — more attention, kindness, friendliness, or compassion – instead of waiting or withdrawing or creating a narrative as to what this person’s experience or intention is – You Go First. Whatever quality you want from someone else, don’t wait. Explore being more attentive, friendly, or curious.
This approach means letting go of “being right” or another person “being wrong” or staying safe with whatever your story or narrative might be. Instead, it is a way of taking small risks, building bridges, with the aspiration of creating healthier relationships.
Practice:
You would like to be more appreciated. You Go First, by appreciating others more.
You want more respect or more attention. You Go First, by respecting and giving more of your attention.
You want more curiosity and connection. You Go First, by being more curious and connected.
Whatever you feel is missing, You Go First.
A Poem
I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us — don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
A beautiful Zen poem! The practice of shifting from self to selflessness.
What I’m Reading
The Righteous Mind, Why Good People Are Divided By Politics and Religion, Jonathan Haidt – Compelling questions and ideas regarding the divides and polarization, that seem to be everywhere we look.
Ask Me. 100 Essential Poems, William Stafford. I keep returning to this wonderful book of poetry.
Weekend Retreat at Green Gulch Farm: Step Into Your Life
November 1st – 3rd
Come spend the weekend at Green Gulch Farm, located on the coast, just north of San Francisco. Wake up hearing the sound of the ocean, enjoy the simple but amazing vegetarian food, and explore the garden, farm, and coastal trails.
In our world of busyness, of more, faster, better, this retreat offers time to stop, reflect, and renew – a time to step fully into the richness of your life. Together we’ll follow a gentle schedule of sitting and walking meditation, interspersed with talks and discussions from the wisdom of Zen teaching as we explore how these stories and dialogues may be utilized in our relationships, our work, and our lives.
This retreat is open to all people interested in stopping, exploring, and bringing more awareness and mindfulness to daily life.