Many of us have our own theories about how personal change, emotional development, and spiritual growth happens. And sometimes our beliefs and theories are clear and well thought through. More often than not however, this topic is not explored at all. But why not?
I think many of us have theories of change and development that often remain somewhat hidden and unconscious. Perhaps you have a personal development plan, are working with a life coach or business coach, or have some other form of guided track that you’re on. Mostly we think that education, learning, and training are core paths to being better, more developed leaders, partners, and human beings. But is that actually the case for most of us?
My own theory of change has evolved somewhat over my 40+ years of mindfulness and Zen practice. I have found that:
– We change through radical acceptance. Asking ourselves the question: “what if we have everything we need?” can be life-changing.
– We change by letting go of misunderstandings.
– We change both gradually and all at once.
– We change by shifting our relationship with discomfort, and transforming it to curiosity and appreciation.
– We grow, develop, and mature through the practices of sincerity, kindness, connection, and vulnerability.
When I apply this theory of change to meditation practice, I find that they converge beautifully. I invite you to explore this convergence for yourself:
- During meditation practice, explore letting go of your regular activities, to-do lists, and all ideas of getting anything or improving. One core practice is to let go, with each exhale. The more we can let go, the more fully our body and mind undergo a profound process of healing and repairing.
- Train yourself to be more curious, kind, and loving, with each breath.
- Explore becoming more familiar with your conscious processing and narratives, (how you speak with yourself) and your processing and narratives that live just on the surface of your awareness.
- Experiment with noticing desires and discomfort and allow these to transform to acceptance and appreciation, as much as possible.
Engaging in your practice in this way has the ability to bring calm and focus, in a similar way to sleep. There is a wealth of scientific evidence that during sleep, all kinds of amazing and important things happen with our body and mind with vast numbers of repairs and updates occurring every night. We go to sleep tired, sometimes completely depleted, and wake up almost miraculously refreshed. Really, if you think about it, this is a most amazing transformation, one that is all too easy to take for granted. Meditation, I believe, has many of these same properties and benefits.
Consider for a moment how meditation can change your ability to focus, to be more curious, more loving, and less reactive.
Experiment with this theory of change and these practices, and see what happens.